So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
