We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Randomize
