All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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