Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(757): View more from Virginia

Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.

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(303): View more from Colorado

he thought i was a dude.

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(917): View more from New York City

Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it

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(860): View more from Connecticut

I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.

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(705): View more from Ontario

I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.

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(410): View more from Maryland

That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.

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(937): View more from Ohio

Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.

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(321): View more from Florida Space Coast

Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.

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(832): View more from Houston, Texas

All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.

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