STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Randomize
