kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
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