there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
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