shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
