My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
My ass is underappreciated
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
