i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
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