ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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