Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Randomize
