Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
