remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Randomize
