dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
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