the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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