I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
