So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
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