i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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