dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Randomize
