I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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