That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Randomize
