I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
