At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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