With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
is wine microwaveable?
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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