It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
