i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
They are going to name an STD after you.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
