I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
