You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
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