I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I am one with the molecules
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Randomize
