her vagine was all disorganized.
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
it hurts more in the daytime
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize
