oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Randomize
