i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
please come you make the beer taste better
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
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He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
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he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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