Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Randomize
