the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
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I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
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