Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Non-Jews are for practice
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
