I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Randomize
