im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Please don't give away my fajitas
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
