Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
