those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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