Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Randomize
