is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
