i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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