What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
he shaved USA in his pubs
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
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