I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
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