you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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