i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
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