i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Randomize
