whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
