There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
True strength comes from lack of pants
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