please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
