She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
