Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
