I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
If I die, sorry about rent.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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