Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
