We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
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