I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
