i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
