where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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