Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
