U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Randomize
