I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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