I accidentally burped into my bong.
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
i will never coherently bang her
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
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