Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
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You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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