I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
