People with herpes should wear stickers.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
