I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
