I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I touched a dick in church today
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
