I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Randomize
