never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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