Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
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Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
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I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
My legs feel like baby dolphins
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
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