Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
