The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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