I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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