Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Randomize
