# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
