All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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