its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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