You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Farmville is her only friend.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
