remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Randomize
