His hands were made for my vagina.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
