About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
