I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Randomize
