Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
