peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Randomize
