walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Randomize
