i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
A bitchslap is in order.
Randomize
